What to do when heartbroken? How to heal from a breakup?

Many songs, poems and books have been dedicated to the significance of being heartbroken. It is a human experience that we all go through. It is one of the most challenging emotional pain experiences. It can also be one of the most expansive growth experiences.

If you are heartbroken, please remind yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I dedicate this article to that beautiful light that is within you.

For ease of navigation, Table of Content inserted.

What is heartbroken?

Heartbroken is a feeling of pain triggered by the lost of someone or something that was, or still is, very important to you. The sensation of pain is most commonly felt in the chest area or heart chakra.

The heart chakra is associated with love, connection, kindness, compassion, understanding and oneness.

Another word (synonym) for heartbroken is brokenhearted. Both words are adjectives and refer to the state of being and feeling in pain for a loss. The noun form of these words is heartbreak.

What are the different types of loss that can leave us heartbroken?

The most common trigger of heartbreak is the loss of a loved one, either people or pet. Some examples are:

  • Romantic breakup from girlfriend or boyfriend
  • Loss of spouse through divorce or death
  • Loss of a daily connection with one parent, as a result of divorce
  • Loss of daily connection with grown-up children

In addition, we can have our hearts broken for the loss of something that is very important to us. This “something” represents the loss of a dream. Some examples are:

  • Loss of a dream retirement lifestyle as a result of losing lifetime savings
  • Failing to achieve a goal that you worked long and very hard at

In this article, we will mainly focus on being heartbroken from the loss of a romantic partner, as a result of a breakup. This is the most common event of getting heartbroken.

Why do you feel heartbroken?

The feeling of heartbrokenness is the result of the shock of losing a connection to someone or something of high importance to you. When you lose connection, it feels as it you had lost a part of yourself.

In addition, the pain and the shock can further fracture you. This moves you further away from your wholeness. Getting heartbroken is an experience of trauma.

What to do when heartbroken?

If you are heartbroken, the following tips could help you to move through this painful experience with more ease and get over someone who broke your heart:

Allow yourself to grieve

In other words, allow yourself to feel the pain of the emotions. If you feel like crying, do it without holding back. If you feel angry, allow yourself to bang on your pillow, or on the floor. The only caveat is that do not hurt yourself, bang on the floor without bruising yourself.

Listen to music

Find songs about heartbreak that describe your experience. There are many heart felt beautiful songs about feeling heartbroken, choose the ones that resonate with you. The music and the songs provide an energetic connection to the hundredths or thousands of people that are going through a similar experience. This helps to lessen the feeling of loneliness.

Be a vessel of love

In this exercise, you sit down. Take a few deep breaths. Then, imagine all the people on earth going through heartbreak gathered in a beautiful field. It is up to your imagination and preferences to paint the field. It can be on a beach. It can be in a valley surrounded by mountains etc.

In your eyes mind, imagine yourself in that beautiful field joining the circle of thousands of people. Imagine a pink light with golden tones, or whatever color resonates with you, coming down from the skies and running through your entire body starting with your crown chakra.

Visualize the light running down your entire body, to your legs down to the center of mother earth. From the crystalline center of earth, see the light coming back to your body. Now you have the light flowing up and down through your entire body, from the skies and from the center of earth

See the light now spreading from your hands to the body of the two people next to you. Then see the light enveloping the entire circle of people.

Next, while you are watching in your eyes mind the entire circle of people bathing in that beautiful light, set the following intention:

  • May we all feel peace, love and joy.
  • Let us all find the happiness within us.
  • Let us all shine our light and brilliance.

You can say the phrases either out loud or just in your mind, whatever works better for you. Also you can make up your own phrases, there are no rules. The only thing that matters is your intention of love and well being for yourself and the rest of the people.

Find a friend or family member to talk to

This only applies if you have a friend or family member who has good listening skills and who is non-judgmental. Also, it needs to be someone you trust and you feel comfortable to express yourself without inhibitions. This helps you to feel that you are not alone and that you are supported.

You might also consider getting the support of a professional counselor. They can provide great support and understanding to help you navigate the challenges of feeling heartbroken.

Engage in activities that makes you feel better

I am not taking about activities to distract yourself from expressing the emotions of your pain. Instead I am taking about activities that help you raise your vibration and organically help you feel calmer. One of the best ways is being out with nature: Swimming in a lake or ocean, walking in a park or forest, gardening, hugging trees etc.

Disconnect from your ex who broke your heart

Until you heal from the wounds of your heartbreak, it is important to disconnect from your ex. This means blocking him/her from all your social media ties. If you continue to follow what he/she is up to, you would be adding fuel to the fire of your pain.

In case of ex-spouses might not be practical or possible to disconnect completely, however, you can keep contact to a minimum required.

Later on, when you have completed the emotional healing process, you can potentially be friends again. You might not get back as romantic partners but you could still be friends.

Join groups that share activities that you enjoy

Nowadays through the internet you can find out the groups in your area that are doing activities that you love. You can check out Meet up groups website. Join at least one group of people that are engaging in activities you enjoy.

This has a two-fold benefit for you. First, you create the connection to new friends that lessens the pain of the romantic breakup. Second, you engage in activities that you enjoy which helps you feel better.

Don’t jump into a new romantic relationship

There is a saying “One nail drives out another” which means a new romantic relationship helps you to forget the heartbreak of the lost love. Although there is some truth to that, the worst thing you can do is to jump into a new romantic relationship without having completed the emotional healing process of the past relationships.

If you jump into a new romantic relationship without completely healing and overcoming the heartbreak from previous relationships, you are very likely to repeat the same pattern of being heartbroken again.

Why is the experience of being heartbroken so painful?

The intensity of the pain of losing a loved one and therefore the intensity of the heartbreak varies among people and situations.

In one extreme, the pain of feeling heartbroken can be excruciating with suicidal thoughts. On the other side of the scale, the heartbreak can manifest as mild anger and/or sadness with the thought: “I am going to be ok”

Let us discuss the factors that play into the intensity of being heartbroken for the loss of a romantic partner.

What are the factors that intensify the pain of heartbreak?

Next, we will cover 3 main contributors to the intensity of the pain from feeling heartbroken.

Non-beneficial limiting beliefs

Beliefs are the thoughts that you have accepted to be true. Most of the beliefs are wired in your brain; however they are changeable. The good news is that beliefs are like programmed software in a computer. You can change the programs (beliefs) that are not supporting you. You can upgrade them to beliefs aligned with the life you desire.

Some of the non-beneficial false beliefs that could be adding intensity to the pain of your heartbreak are:

I will never meet somebody else like him/her. There is only one romantic partner I can be happy with: The higher truth is that there are many potential partners that you can be happy with. Whether or not you find them depends on what you believe. Per the Law of Attraction, you attract what you believe to be true. Your beliefs become your truth.

My happiness depends on him or her: The secret to a happy life is to find happiness within yourself. This means making your happiness independent of anything external such as relationships and achievement of goals. You can still have your relationships adding more flavors to your life without your happiness depending on it.

I am a failure with relationships: If you interpret the breakup of your relationship as a failure, you add to the pain of the heartbreak. The higher truth is that failure is a man made concept. All relationships help you to learn and grow.

I am not lovable: If your romantic partner broke up with you, it is tempting to jump to the conclusion of “I am not lovable”. Of course this is a false belief that is dis-aligned with the truth of your Higher-self.

Something is wrong with me. I am not good enough: If your romantic partner decided to break up with you, then you probably feel rejected. This leads to creating or re-enforcing beliefs of lack of self-worth. The higher truth is that you are perfect just the way you are. The higher truth is that you are worthy of infinite love.

Relationship neediness

“I can’t live without you” is a common phrase. Many people believe that this phrase is an expression of great love. In reality, beneath this phrase hides attachment and neediness. Please know that, in our human evolution, it is normal to be dependent on our romantic partners, family and friends to meet some our needs.

For example, you might have the need of being reminded frequently that you are beautiful because of lack of self-esteem. Your ex-romantic partner used to tell you that and now you feel a void. It is a need not met that adds to the intensity of the pain of being heartbroken.

Please don’t judge yourself if you recognize you are a bit needy. It is normal in the human experience. Just be pro-active and do your best in working on meeting, as many as possible, your own needs. In the example of lack of self-esteem, you would work on raising your self-worth.

You would work on developing a strong sense of self-esteem and self-worth that radiates from within you. You would develop an unshakable knowing of self-worth that does not depend on other people. You would still welcome with gratitude, kind and loving compliments, but you would not depend on them.

Previous emotional wounds

The reason that your last romantic breakup might feel so intensively painful is that is a repeat of previous patterns of emotional wounds. This last romantic breakup just deepened the wounds.

Is this your first breakup or is it a more intense repeat of a previous experience? Is this your first breakup and it has brought out painful emotions and feelings that parallel some of your childhood events?

Per the Law of Attraction, you attract relationships that mirror back to you the vibrations of negative toxic emotions and limiting beliefs that you have not healed. Your ex-partner is just a mirror of parts of you that are waiting to be healed.

Who broke your heart and left you heartbroken?

The answer to this question goes beyond the name of your ex-spouse or ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. The “who” in this context is the soup of vibrational broadcast made up by your non-beneficial beliefs and toxic emotions.

Our relationships are mirrors reflecting back to us beliefs and emotions that we have suppressed. Most often, these beliefs and emotions are buried in our unconscious mind.

The non-beneficial beliefs and toxic emotions are parts of you that your ex-partner played out. Our relationships are mirrors of hidden parts of us.

Our romantic relationships are opportunities to discover parts of ourselves that are waiting to be healed

In other words, your own non-beneficial beliefs and toxic emotions that you unconsciously hold onto broke your heart and left you heartbroken. Your ex-partner just played the role of externalizing and mirroring them back to you. Please take this as good news. If you can accept that as truth, you are taking your power back. You have the choice and the power to change your inner world. Once you do that, your outer world, including your future romantic partners, will mirror back to you the upgraded vibes of you

How to heal from a breakup that left you heartbroken? Avoid getting heartbroken again

In a previous segment of this article I offered you some suggestions of what to do in the initial stage of being heartbroken. Those suggestions will help you to ease the grieving process. Beyond that, in order to avoid getting heartbroken again, you need to engage in a deeper inner work. Next, I will cover steps for you not only overcome heartbreak, but also to go from heartbroken to happiness.

Develop self-awareness of emotions and beliefs

Per the Law of Attraction, everything in your outside world is a reflection of your inner world. This truth of the workings of your Universe you choose to come in, it is most pronounced with your close relationships.

Romantic partners are one of the most powerful mirrors that bring out aspects of you that are hidden deep in your unconscious mind. Then, if they are hidden, how do you come aware of those aspects? How do you develop self-awareness of the hidden aspects of yourself? This is where examination of your close relationships will give you the clues of your inner world. To do that, start a journal of self-discovery through the mirrors of your relationships.

Journaling will help you discover the parts of you that broke your heart through your ex-partner 

Self-awareness journaling about emotions and beliefs

The low vibrational emotions typically felt with high intensity in heartbreak are not only painful, but also were uploaded to your field. Along the toxic emotions you also uploaded non-beneficial beliefs. These toxic emotions lower the frequency of the vibration you broadcast. It is important for you to become aware of them and apply an emotional healing process. On this note, take out your journal and:

  • Make a list of the different emotions and beliefs triggered in you as a result of the breakup and/or throughout the relationship with your ex.
  • Then, list previous events in your life, including your childhood, when you experienced the same or similar emotions and beliefs.
  • Take notice of similarities in your life events and become aware of some repeating patterns.

If you are starting to feel overwhelmed because you know that you have experienced a given emotion hundredths of times, relax. You only need to journal about your life events that triggered intense emotions.

Self-awareness journaling prompts for emotions and beliefs

To facilitate becoming self-aware of the toxic emotions and non-beneficial beliefs that are making you a magnet to heartbreak, you might find helpful to use the following journaling prompts:

  • Do you feel rejected? Did you feel rejected in other occasions throughout the relationship? In what other events in your life you felt rejected before? Go back as far as your childhood. Do you remember the first time you were rejected? What interpretation (belief) you gave to the event?
  • Do you feel betrayed? Did you feel betrayed before in this relationship or previous relationships? Make list of the different events of your life when you felt betrayed. What beliefs were triggered or re-enforced?
  • Do you feel abandoned? Do you feel humiliated? Again look back throughout your life and note other occasions when you felt abandoned or humiliated. What limiting beliefs did you buy into?
  • Do the feel any self-directed toxic emotions about your role in the relationship? Do you feel guilt, shame or regret? What do you regret? What do you feel guilty or shame about? When did you experience those emotions before?
  • In which ways did you reject yourself? Did you betray yourself? Did you abandon yourself? How?

Discover your repeating patterns of getting heartbroken.

Review what you wrote in your journal and make note of common threads in different events in your life. To help you discover your own repeating patterns of heartbreak, let me describe some stories of getting heartbroken.

Story # 1 of getting heartbroken 

A forty years old lady is heartbroken from a recent divorce. She writes in her journal: “I feel rejected and I feel that I am not good enough. I gave it my best in this marriage. I tried so hard to make it work. It is so un-fair; I am the one who brought more to this marriage yet I am the one who gets dumped. I feel regret of having invested so much energy in this marriage to end up losing.”

She realized these feelings are a repeat of her 2 previous romantic breakups. In addition, she recognized several events in her professional life when she felt rejected and not good enough despite of working very hard at being successful.

She also journals about the first time she felt this way: “I was 10 years old when I was training very hard to be on the volleyball team for an inter-school competition. I had great expectations that I would make it; after all I was training full on. Then, when the coach informed me that I did not get into the team I was heartbroken. I had lost the dream of being in the volleyball team that year. I felt rejected. I felt I was not good enough even when I worked so hard and I gave my best.”

The common threads or repeating patterns in these events are feeling rejected and feeling not good enough. She has in her field the toxic emotion of rejection and the non-beneficial belief of: “I am never good enough”.

The non-beneficial repeating patterns is an indication that her field was fractured and she lost core knowings of her innate worth and value.

Her field is broadcasting the vibrational frequency of the emotion of rejection and the belief of “I am never good enough”. This toxic emotion and non-beneficial belief are the energetic parts of this lady that are breaking her heart and l leaving her more and more heartbroken. She is attracting romantic partners that are mirroring back these parts of her that are waiting to be upgraded.

You might ask, was she already carrying in her field these non-beneficial vibrations when she was 10 years old. The answer is yes, both beneficial and non-beneficial vibrations are inherited and picked up early in life. If she had been free of those vibrations when she was 10 years old, she would have interpreted not getting into the volleyball team differently.

She would have accepted as a challenge to continue to improve and get into the team the following year. She would have experienced a slight disappointment without feelings of being rejected and without feelings of being not good enough.

It must be noted that low intensity emotions does not stick in our field; therefore our perception of an event plays an important role on whether or not we upload any non-beneficial emotions and beliefs.

Story # 2 of getting heartbroken 

A man in his early thirties is heartbroken. His last girlfriend just broke up with him and left without any explanation. He writes in his journal: “ I feel abandoned. I feel all women end up abandoning me. Something is wrong with me, I must me unlovable.”

He realizes these feelings are a repeat of his previous 3 romantic relationships. He also writes about the first time he felt this way: “I was 6 years old when my mother suddenly left home. My father and grandmother raised me. My mother never came back. I never knew what happened. My father never talked about my mother. I felt abandoned by my mother. I felt angry toward my mother for abandoning me. I felt that something was wrong with me and that I was unlovable. I felt guilt and regret toward myself, if I had only behaved better and pleased my mother, she would have stayed”

The above events reveal a repeating pattern for this young man. He is attracting girlfriends that leave without explanation, just as his mother did. Then the feelings of being abandoned, unlovable and not good enough are re-enforced. Unwanted repeating patterns are signs of loss of strengths through core fractures.

The emotion triggered is anger toward mother and girlfriends. In addition, he uploaded the emotion of guilt and regret toward himself. He also holds the belief “Women I love always abandon me”, “ I am unlovable”, “I am not good enough”.

He is broadcasting the vibrations of these emotions and beliefs and by virtue of the Law of Attraction, he keeps attracting romantic partners that are mirroring back the parts of him that need to be healed to overcome heartbreak.

Engage in true forgiveness

In a previous article, I explained the difference between superficial forgiveness versus true forgiveness. I also included a story illustrating superficial forgiveness that you might like to check out.

To stop the cycle of getting heartbroken repeatedly, it is essential to apply the art of true forgiveness to all the relationships that broke your heart. The essence of true forgiveness is to clear all toxic emotions (anger, hate, resentment, guilt, shame, regret etc.) This includes toxic emotions toward those that broke your heart, as well as, toward yourself for perceived mistakes.

Once you do the self-awareness journaling exercise described above, you are ready for the emotional healing process of clearing toxic emotions. Work on forgiving, not only your last romantic partner, but also your previous ones that left you heartbroken. In addition, forgive the people involved in the traumatic childhood events that broke your heart.

With true forgiveness your vibrational frequency raises, you radiate love and you attract love. In order to do that, you need to clear all toxic emotions, which is the essence of true forgiveness. The more love you radiate, the less likely is for you to getting heartbroken again. Clearing toxic emotions is a powerful antidote for heartbrokenness.

Upgrade your beliefs

From the self-awareness journaling exercise you uncovered some of the non-beneficial beliefs that are magnetizing to you romantic partners that play the role of getting you heartbroken.

In addition, to discover more of your beliefs, pay attention to your thoughts. As you go throughout your day, jot down thoughts that are coming up for you. Then, go through your list and ask: Is this thought (belief) aligned with the life and relationships I desire to attract? If not, place it in the list of non-beneficial beliefs to be upgraded.

Like viruses in a computer, the non-beneficial beliefs are attracting drama and trauma to your relationships. It is time for you to upgrade the beliefs that are contributing to be attractors of heartbreaks.

In a previous article, I described the different types of beliefs. You might like to check it out, it is titled: Definition, types and examples of beliefs

To start upgrading your beliefs about relationships, from non-beneficial to beneficial beliefs, you can do the following steps:

1)Take the list of the non-beneficial beliefs that you identified and turn them around into beneficial beliefs. Examples are:
I am not lovableI am lovable
I am not good enoughI am an expression of Source
I am valuable
I have to work hard to deserve loveI give and receive love with ease and joy
I deserve love
Women abandon meThere are women that always love me and support me
I will never meet somebody like him/herThere are many potential partners available for me
There is only one romantic partner I can be happy withI have many potential soul-mates that I can be happy with
My happiness depends on him or herI generate my own happiness
I am a failure in relationshipsI am getting better and better at relationships.
I am learning and growing
2)Seek out evidences for the beneficial beliefs that you desire to install to replace the old ones. For example:
  • I am lovable. This is true because I am a kind (Write down some events that you remember you acted with kindness), I am funny (Write down some events when you made people laugh) etc.
  • I am an expression of Source. This is true because my true essence is love and light. I am light having a physical experience. I am a courageous soul that chose to experience shadows to expand the understanding of the light that I am.
  • There are women that always love and support me. This is true because my grandmother always loved me and supported me
3)Use the beneficial beliefs as positive affirmations or mantras.

Repeat the positive affirmations one by one and pay attention to your thoughts, emotions and sensations in your body. You might feel resistance in the form of contraction. You might also detect thoughts such as: No way, this is not true.

If you feel resistance to the positive affirmations, it is indication that the gap between your present belief and the positive affirmation is too large. In that case, reword the positive affirmation to a version that your mind can accept. In addition, construct questions that direct your mind to a positive direction.

For example: If you resist the positive mantra “ I generate my own happiness”, then try “It is possible for me to generate my own happiness”, “How can I generate my own happiness?” “What can I think or do now to generate and feel a shimmer of happiness?”

4)Repeat the positive affirmations until the old belief is reprogrammed and now you made the positive affirmation a beneficial belief that is part of your vibrational broadcast.

The effectiveness of re-writing the old belief with a beneficial belief is a function of the emotional state you are in while you repeat the new belief. The higher the vibrational frequency of the emotional state you are in, the more effective the process becomes.

An amazing, expansive and fascinating course that teaches all the ins and outs of how to change our non-beneficial broadcast to beneficial, is Julius program titled Reprogram the Altered ego.

Learn Self-love

You need to learn to give to yourself, the quality of love you desire from your romantic partners. The reason is that you can’t get from others what you can’t give to yourself

Make a list of how would you like to be treated by your perfect partner. For example: “I would like to be treated with kindness, respect and understanding”.

Write a list of how would you like to feel with your perfect partner. For example: “I would like to feel supported, cared for, understood, uplifted, accepted for who I am encouraged to see the bright side of everything in life ”.

Then everyday pay attention how you treat yourself and compare with how would like to be treated. Consciously switch your thoughts and actions to treat yourself with kindness, respect and understanding.

In addition, everyday ask yourself: “What can I do for myself today to feel supported, cared for, uplifted, happy etc.?

An essential aspect of self-love is to do true forgiveness work and forgive yourself for all perceived mistakes of the past.

Self-love is not be confused with egocentric narcissism. On the contrary egocentric narcissist are very needy and demanding of love because they don’t know self-love. The more you love yourself, you become a bigger vessel of love. Then you receive and give love abundantly with ease and joy.

When you love yourself unconditionally, the quality of your relationships skyrockets

The more you love yourself, the less needy you become. A great Ted talk, about this subject, delivered by Tracy McMillan is titled: The person you really need to marry

The practice of increasing your self-love improves not only your romantic relationships but also, all your relationships. Furthermore it improves all areas of your life.

In a previous article about Law of Attraction weight loss secrets, I developed this subject of self-love in more detail. You might like to read the following segments of that article:

Practice being kind and loving toward yourself

What to do when you get into beat yourself up mode?

Turn your broken relationships from failure into seeds of success

Transforming your broken relationships from failure to success is a matter of change of perception.

You have heard before that successful people interprets every failure as a valuable lesson. They interpret every failure as a stepping-stone to the ultimate success goal they are looking for. They take the time to learn from the so-called mistakes and failures. By doing that, they turn every failure into seeds of success.

You probably heard this concept in the context of money and business. It is equally applicable to broken relationships.

Most of us are engrained with the societal belief: “Successful relationships are equal to lifetime relationships”. This belief makes us feel like we are a failure when we go through breakup. The reality is that not all romantic relationships are meant to be for lifetime.

It is beneficial to recognize that relationships are opportunities to learn and grow.

When you do that you turn your broken relationships into seeds of success. You become a better version of yourself. Therefore, you attract romantic partners that will mirror back to you, the new you.

You can turn the pain of past broken relationships into the seeds of future joyful relationships

Embrace self-worth

From the perspective of your true-self and Source you are infinitely valuable:

  • You are infinitely worthy of love.
  • You are infinitely worthy of manifesting love.
  • You are infinitely worthy of manifesting your dreams.
  • You are infinitely worthy of joyful, loving relationships.

You might be asking: if I am infinitely worthy, how come I end up being rejected and feeling shame and unworthiness? The reason is that there are parts of you that are not accepting, as absolute truth, the fact that you are worthy of love. You have beliefs of being unworthy of the quality of romantic relationship you desire.

For a more complete understanding of this category of core beliefs about unworthiness, check out: False core beliefs about worthiness. Examples are included with description of how non-beneficial false beliefs of unworthiness are uploaded.

The beliefs of lack of self-worth are deeply embedded in your mind. In a previous segment we listed steps for you to start upgrading your non-beneficial beliefs.

In addition, a powerful resource is a course by Julius titled Healing Unworthiness and Shame. It is a deep dive empowering course with healing applications; you might like to check out the description of the content.

Final thoughts of feeling heartbroken

Your experiences of feeling heartbroken are opportunities to awaken to the light that you are, when you become aware of the parts of you that are calling out for healing and transformation.

You have the choice of planting the seeds of success for your future relationships by healing your past heartbreaks. You have the choice of going from heartbroken to joy and peace, from heartbroken to breakthrough. I am not saying at all that is easy, but it is immensely worthwhile. You can do it, that is a fact.

I would love you to share your story of heartbreak or your story from heartbreak to breakthrough.

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