Discover why you or someone you love has fear of love. Uncover what lies under the fear of love and fear of falling in love that is preventing you – to experience the joy of love without fear.
When someone experience fear of love or fear of falling in love or even phobia of love, they are not afraid of pure love. Rather they fear distorted forms of love and other underlying fears. Discover what fear of love really is and the real causes of fear of love.
What is the fear of love?
Love is a positive emotion that feels good. Love is healing for our bodies. Then how is it possible than we can experience fear of love? Is it love what we are really afraid of?
When we say that we have a fear of love, it is not the feel good emotion of true love that we are afraid of. It is rather a potential negative consequence associated to love.
In reality the emotion or vibration of love is completely void of fear. It is impossible to experience love and fear, at the same time.
Fear of love is the anticipation of potential threat to our safety, security or wellbeing that our subconscious mind has associated to love.
In other words, fear of love is the anticipation of potential emotional or physical pain that our subconscious has attached to love – because of the trauma caused by distorted forms of love.
The fear of love is not the fear of true love or unconditional love. Fear of love is the fear of distorted forms of love.
“Fear of love is the anticipation of potential emotional or physical pain that our subconscious has attached to love” – Raise frequency
Distorted love causes fear of love
Some examples of false or distorted forms of love that can cause fear of love and even phobia of love are: Conditional love, punitive love, controlling love, abusive love etc.
There can be more than one type of distorted love playing out and overlapping each other in our close relationships.
True love of self and others is pure and unconditional. Pure love is the acceptance of self and others without any judgment.
Unfortunately today society’s consciousness has not reached the level of pure love. Therefore many parents are raising their children with distorted forms of love without even realizing it. Many parents are doing their best as parents, yet they fall short because of their own lack of self-love.
If you desire to be the best parent that you can be, you need to learn to love yourself unconditionally. A great resource is the course by Julius titled: Giving and Receiving of Love. This course includes:
- Advise about parenting
- A 30 day practice to love yourself
- Guidance on resolving issues in relationships
- Much more….
To check complete description of the content of this amazing course go to: Giving and Receiving of Love
The following descriptions of distorted forms of love are given in the context of parents-children relationships. However they can play out in other relationships as well.
Conditional love
Conditional love is love with strings attached. Because of the level of consciousness of our society, conditional love starts in childhood.
Most parents were raised with conditional love and they do not know any better than administer love conditionally to their children.
When parents withdraw love based on some behavior or performance of their children, they are modelling conditional love.
With conditional love children learn that if they fail to meet parents standards, they lose love together with the safety and security of belonging.
Therefore, fear of conditional love is intertwined with fear of losing love, fear of rejection and fear of failure.
“Pure love is completely void of judgment” – Raise frequency
Punitive love
This is the result of the beliefs of society that children need to be punished in order to grow up to be responsible adults.
As children, we perceive our parents as the source of love, safety and security. When a love figure (parent) administers punishment, the subconscious of the child is programmed to fear love.
There is an association of love with punishment and pain. On top of that, beliefs of not deserving love and unworthiness are born.
At this point you might be asking: How am I supposed to disciple my children without punishment? Fortunately nowadays there are resources that teach parents conscious parenting that nurture self-love, self-esteem, confidence and self-awareness, for both parents and children. Conscious parenting starts with self-love.
Controlling love
We develop fear of love when in order to be accepted and loved we need to follow rules that contradict the expression of our authentic self.
When parents are very controlling, their children subconscious is programmed with an association of loss of freedom to love.
Then they grow up into adults that fear falling in love because they believe that love comes with the strings attached of loss of freedom.
Abusive love
Being abused by a parent, is probably the most traumatic and distorted association to love that a child can experience. However there is no clear line between the previously described forms of distorted love and abusive love.
Conditional, punitive and controlling cause physical and/or emotional pain; therefore they are abusive to different degrees.
Here we are talking about not only the obvious forms of abuse; physical and sexual, but also emotional abuse.
When children endure abuse inflicted by parents, their subconscious creates a distorted association of love to abuse. Then, when they grow up, they either avoid close relationships or attract abusive relationships.
Per Law of Attraction, they subconsciously seek out and manifest relationships to repeat the unwanted patterns of abuse. In this case, they need to break free from the binding effects of traumas caused by childhood abuse.
A healing and empowering teaching by Julius is the course titled: When trauma paralyzes you. This course includes how to let go of a traumatic childhood, how to release the binding effects of trauma, antidotes to fear and much more.
You can check out the description of the content of this healing course, go to: When Trauma Paralyzes You
“Distorted love is being unloving and engaging in unloving behaviours in the name of love. Distorted forms of love are false love.” -RaiseFrequency
Underlying fears of fear of love
Pure unconditional love can never cause emotional or physical pain and it is not congruent with fear. Therefore, it is not pure love that we are afraid of – but rather other fears that we associate as a potential consequence of giving and receiving love.
Examples of some of the fears underlying the fear of love are:
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of conflict
- Fear of losing someone you love
- Fear of getting hurt
Fear of rejection
Rejection is a negative or toxic emotion that feels painful. Rejection can come from others and it can also be self-inflicted. Self-directed rejection is called self-rejection.
The emotion of rejection is one of the causes of low self-esteem. When others do not accept ourselves, we often conclude that we are not good enough and develop low self-esteem.
Of course, it is our perception of others people’s words and behavior that determines whether or not we feel rejected.
When we are raised with a strong foundation of self-esteem, we are less likely to be triggered by a “no” from others. In addition, we are less likely to reject and criticize ourselves and others.
Fear of rejection is the result of associations in our subconscious mind of painful rejection to a number of different situations. These associations were created during traumatic life events that lowered our self-esteem and confidence.
Is Fear of rejection stopping you from going after your relationship and professional goals and dreams.
Fear of rejection in relationships is an underlying fear of fear of love. The anticipation of feeling the pain of rejection will cause us to avoid close relationships. Even if we desire to have close friends and a romantic partner, the potential pain of rejection can override our relationship goals.
On the other hand, when we fear rejection, we are holding rejection in our field. In other words, we are generating the vibrational frequency of rejection. Consequently we attract and manifest people and circumstances that re-play the unwanted pattern of rejection. We keep running into rejection even when we are trying to avoid it.
If you have been rejected, in one or more areas of your life, your field has been fractured. When you repair your core fractures, you break free from the unwanted pattern of rejection and turn on your strengths to meaningful relationships and success in your career.
You might like to check out a powerful program that includes your personalized codes for Repairing Core Fractures.
“Fear of rejection is a barrier to our goals and dreams” -RaiseFrequency
Fear of conflict
Conflict is a state of disagreement arising from differences of opinions or perspectives or beliefs. Family and culture in which we grow up has a very strong influence in the shaping of our perspectives and beliefs.
In addition, each of us is a unique expression of creation, and as such we are born with aspects of uniqueness and preferences.
Differences of perspectives are our nature, – each of us sees the world filtered through unique glasses. And, as long as, we respect each other perspectives and boundaries, differences add to the richness of life.
Fear of conflict is programmed into our subconscious when we experience painful emotions as a result of expressing an opposing view or behavior.
For example if a child is shamed or punished for not meeting a parent agenda or rule, the child can become fearful of conflict and punishment. Furthermore, the child might associate conflict with the potential of losing love.
Then the child grows up to be an adult that tries to stay away from conflict by being a people pleaser or by avoiding close relationships.
“Fear of conflict results in people pleasing” -RaiseFrequency
Fear of losing someone you love
Losing someone you love is one of the most traumatic life events. The loss of a love one causes intense emotional pain and heartbreak.
If you are afraid of love or of close relationships, the underlying fear might be the potential of losing someone you love.
As a child, you might have lost a parent or a beloved pet and might have decided that to avoid pain is best to stay alone. You might have decided that to avoid pain is best not to get close to anyone, not even a pet.
As an adult or even as a teen you might have experienced a very painful romantic breakup or loss and decided not to fall in love ever again.
The fear of losing someone you love can be even be subconscious and you might not be aware that under your fear of love is a fear of losing love.
If you are avoiding love because of fear of losing it or fear of getting heartbroken, you can heal from heartbreak. Furthermore, you can overcome fear of love and fear of losing someone you love.
If you have suffered loss and heartbreak, your field was fractured. In order to heal loss, heartbreak and overcome the fear of losing love, you need to repair your core fractures.
To do that, you might like to leverage on the power of individualized tools of Repairing Core Fractures program. It comes with your personalized codes for Repairing Core Fractures that are custom made.
“Heal your broken heart and love without fear” -RaiseFrequency
Fear of getting hurt
Fear is the anticipation of emotional or physical pain. Fears are conscious and subconscious programs in our minds to avoid emotional or physical pains.
By definition, getting hurt means being subject to an emotional or physical pain. Therefore all fears at their core are fears of getting hurt.
Fear of love at its core is the fear of getting hurt in a relationship. Most commonly, fear of love applies to romantic relationships but it can also include avoidance of friendship.
If you have an association of emotional or physical pain with love, then you have a fear of getting hurt in close relationships.
“Fear of love is the fear of getting hurt in close relationships” -RaiseFrequency
Categories of fear of love
Fear of love can show up in different situations or scenarios related to love and relationships. Some of the categories or derivatives of fear of love are:
- Fear of falling in love
- Fear of friendship
- Fear of marriage
- Fear of becoming parents
Fear of falling in love. Fear of love phobia
The fear of falling in love or fear of romantic relationships is a derivative of the fear of love.
When the fear of falling in love or being in love is intense causing anxiety and a resolved avoidance of love relationships, – then is considered to be a fear of love phobia or philophobia.
Romantic love is a very close bond between two people; therefore it is not surprising that if we fear love, we also fear falling in love.
The specific underlying fears will vary among people who experience fear of falling in love.
The underlying fears that we described for fear of love also applies to the fear of falling in love. In addition, one of more of the following fears might be under the surface of the fear of falling in love:
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of commitment
- Fear of loss of freedom
- Fear of emotional intimacy
- Fear of sexual intimacy
Fear of abandonment
By our design as mammals, we are formed in the womb of our mothers in a very close bond and dependency. When we are born we continue to depend both for our physical and emotional needs from our parents.
When babies are separated from their mothers for whatever reason, they experience the loss as an abandonment trauma.
Abandonment trauma can also occur later on in childhood if one of the parents abandons a child.
Permanent or long term abandonment of a child by one of the parents, usually causes abandonment trauma.
On the other hand, sometimes we develop fear of abandonment by seemingly innocuous events. You might have fears of abandonment despite the fact that you grew up with loving parents that were present for you.
Your perception and therefore emotional response to an event dictates whether or not you develop fear of abandonment. For example, one day your mother was 2 hours late picking you up after school.
It was the longest 2 hours ever for you; thoughts and fears of your mother not coming, not caring and abandoning you arose in you. Because of the intensity of your emotional response the fear of abandonment was registered in your subconscious mind and fractured your field.
Your mother finally arrived, hugged you, comforted you and explained the reasons for being late that were beyond her control. You consciously understand that your mother did not abandon you and does care; however the fear of abandonment got uploaded to your subconscious.
If you have fear of abandonment, you are avoiding falling in love. At the same time, per Law of Attraction, you are attracting partners that abandon you. You are carrying in your field the vibrational frequency of abandonment that keeps you in this unwanted repeating pattern.
Seemingly the fear is protecting you from falling in love and therefore from being abandoned. However the paradox is that the fear holds strongly in your field the abandonment vibration.
Therefore, despite avoiding falling in love, you will keep attracting the unwanted pattern of being abandoned. You might manage to keep at bay romantic partners but still attract abandonment from other sources. You might attract situations where you feel abandoned by friends, family members or even the Universe or God.
Each time you faced abandonment, your field was fractured. It is time for you to repair your core fractures and break free from the repeating pattern of being abandoned. To do that, you might like to check out a powerful program with your personalized codes for Repairing Core Fractures.
Fear of commitment
The fear of commitment is a very common fear in relationships. For some people fear of commitment and consequently fear of falling in love is so severe than they avoid romantic relationships.
For others, fear of commitment keeps them in short term romantic relationships and guarding themselves from getting too close to their partners.
Fear of commitment is one of the potential underlying fears of falling in love. In addition, beneath the fear of commitment there are other deeper fears such as: Fear of making a mistake, fear of making a decision and fear of failing.
If you are dating and wondering whether or not your partner has fear of commitment, pay attention to his/her decision-making confidence. If your partner frequently avoids making decisions, then it is a flag of commitment issues because of fear of making mistakes.
Children that are not allowed, or even punished, for making mistakes grow up to be adults with fear of commitment in relationships and other areas of life.
Fear of loss of freedom
The fear of losing freedom or independence is being afraid of having to give up or change habits and life-style changes. Fear of losing freedom is intertwined with fear of change and potentially fears of the unknown.
This is where open and honest conversations and getting to know each other needs, life-style preferences, values, and beliefs are important.
Fear of emotional intimacy
Fear of emotional intimacy is the fear of expressing and showing our emotions and feelings. Fears of emotional intimacy are also intertwined with fears of being authentic and fears of vulnerability.
The fears of emotional intimacy are mostly formed in childhood as a result of invalidation or rejection of emotions.
The process of invalidation or rejection of emotions occurs as follows:
- Children express to a parent or authority figure that they are feeling certain emotions
- Parents respond with a lecture of why they should not be feeling what they are feeling. Parents might even reprimand their children for showing emotions.
- Children conclude that since their emotions are inadequate, there must be something wrong with them. They disconnect from self-love.
- Children conclude that in order to be accepted they need to repress and hide emotions. They disconnect from their own emotions and feelings.
In addition there are all these societal judgment that contribute to fear of emotional intimacy. Examples are: “Men do not cry”, “People that laugh out loud look crazy”, “Emotional people are weak” etc.
People with fears of emotional intimacy might fear falling in love because they fear being vulnerable in giving and receiving love. A great resource is the course by Julius titled: Giving and Receiving of Love. This course includes a 30 day practice to love yourself, guidance on resolving issues in relationships and much more. To check out the description of the content of this amazing course go to: Giving and Receiving of Love.
Fear of sexual intimacy
The fear of sexual intimacy can result in avoidance of falling in love. One or more of the following factors can cause fear of sexual intimacy:
- Religious or cultural beliefs about sex being sinful
- Sexual abuse
- Sexual performance anxiety
- Fear of sexually transmitted diseases
Self-awareness of fear of love
To gain awareness of fears that are causing you to fear love or fear of falling in love, question yourself and journal about it.
Ask yourself the following deep questions:
- Why am I afraid to fall in love?
- What are the fears underlying my fear of falling in love?
- Why am I afraid of ….? For each underlying fear ask this question to discover even deeper fears, uncover as many layers as possible. Example: I fear falling in love because I am afraid of commitment. I fear commitment because I am afraid of making mistakes. I fear making mistakes because I am afraid of not being good enough etc.
- What is the worst that it could happen if I fall in love?
- What emotions am I avoiding?
- When have I experienced before the emotions that I am avoiding? If emotions come up as a result of memories, allow yourself to feel them without judgment.
- How are those fears holding me back in other areas of life beyond romantic relationships?
How to love without fear?
If you desire to love without fear and be able to give and receive pure love, you need to heal your perspective of love and release all fears underlying your fear of love.
The first component of being able to give and receive unconditional love is to learn to love yourself.
Your parents probably did not know how to love you unconditionally, now you have the opportunity to learn to love yourself. This is key for love relationships.
A great resource that teaches you how to love yourself is a course by Julius titled: The Giving and Receiving of Love. It includes a 30 day practice to love yourself, practical guidance for relationships and much more.
The second component to be able to love without fear is to release your fears and phobias that are hiding under your fear of love and fear of falling in love.
To learn to release fears and phobias, you might like to check out the description of a powerful course by Julius called: Releasing your Fears & Phobias.
The third component to be able to love without fear and have satisfying and fulfilling love relationships is the understanding of the beauty and depth of physical intimacy. This topic is comprehensively covered in an advance course of relationships titled: Hidden Keys to a Loving Relationships. Following are listed just a few of the many topics covered in this mind-blowing course: Orgasms, impotence, how to connect with your partner for deep and fulfilling love relationship and much more.
These teachings are from Julius, channeled by Kasey and Brad. Julius is a group of high consciousness intelligence that bring to humanity very practical, unique and empowering information. To check out the description of the content of this extraordinary course, go to: Hidden Keys to a Loving Relationships.
Closing paragraphs- Fear of love
If you are avoiding love relationships because of the fear or phobia of love and at the same time you long for love, it is time for you to work on releasing your fears and phobias.
It is time for you to experience loving relationships. You are worthy of the joy of deep love relationships. You are worthy of pure love. You are worthy of happiness.
